Ten Days of Attrition

As I sit here tonight on the eve of the Halloween that won't be this year I watch Marcelo play his new Wii game just like his big brother and I weep. It's a silent cry, one where I cannot show my worry, a heavy heart for which I once again realize that at this very moment and for the next 10 days the only thing that will dominate my thoughts is the unknown. It will be the third time in my life where I will feel completely without control and completely at the mercy of others who hold the life of my son literally in their hands. On November 9, 2011 Marcelo is going into his third open heart surgery and will be once again taken from my arms in order to save his life. Now that statement seems a tad dramatic, one which an outsider might think is a bit selfish, and they would have every right to think so. Now don't get me wrong, I am entirely grateful for medical science being able to save his life, I am eternally grateful for the surgeon who chose that career to make my son a normal little boy, but I wholeheartedly don't want to let him go. As I sit here and stare at the back of his head as he plays I hear the wondrous sounds coming from his mouth and I think about all that he will go through and how he has no idea that we are going to hurt him in order to make him better. Oh if I could only take his pain away. If only I could go into surgery in his place, but I know that cannot happen.

Earlier I mentioned something strange about Halloween. While it's true that little ghosts and goblins all over the place will go out tomorrow night and get treats and laugh and play but we will be here at home trying to stay well enough to have surgery. What a bummer. I have to give major props and state how proud I am for having a son like Luciano who of free will gave up his Halloween to ensure his brother's health. I can say one thing, healthy hearts notwithstanding, I have certainly been blessed with two amazing little boys. For that I am also eternally grateful.

So there you have it, an opening back into the blogosphere for me, I am going to make an attempt to update this blog while we are on this chapter of our heart journey. They say writing is cathartic, and I suppose that to be true. So please feel free to check back often. For those of you who have been on this journey with us for the last (almost) 4 years I thank you, and for those just beginning I welcome you!!




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